blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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