soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
