explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
