Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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