the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
