im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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