just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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