I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My feet surprised me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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