hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
