walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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