what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
