I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
