You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
