There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
