U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
