according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
