I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
