Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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