You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
