Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She announced her abortion via fbk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
