So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
