I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
