I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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