can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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