Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
