The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
