The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
