I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
