ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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