They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
