take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
