drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
