birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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