i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
