I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
