Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
