Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize