I just pynch a tree in the face
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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