Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
