oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
