I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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