Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
