i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
