Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
