Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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