Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
