I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
