I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
