Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
