what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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