Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
bring money and cleavage
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
