If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
