He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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