just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Still dying that you shit outside
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
