you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
