Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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