Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A+ Viking dick
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
