margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
