I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
