We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
