I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
