Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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