i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Actions speak louder than pants.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize