Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
