Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drunk is not a location!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
