And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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