THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
