at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
