Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
