Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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