I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
