Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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