Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
