He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
