In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
